Time for a sports round-up; our first of the year and we're going straight for the jugular with questions such as, 'Is Jose Mourinho the worst tempered manager of all time?' and 'Is LVG the man to save United?' And finally, 'does Andy Murray's massive Adam's apple inhibit his serve?'
All this and much more with Negrito at NN....read on for all the facts and goss.
Football : Here at NN we like to cover the stories that others miss and in light of Chelsea's arse-kicking of Swansea 0-5 we are asking why is Mourinho such a grumpy old bugger? In the post-match press interviews you'd think they'd lost 5-0 instead of having put in what was perhaps the best (first) 45 minutes of football we've seen so far in the PL this season. He was as glum as a dog without a bone and I couldn't help wondering if he'd got a parking ticket just before the kick-off because I've seen happier looking Pugs than him! C'mon Jose, what's the problem? Didn't Roman give you a big enough January transfer budget this year? Or did one of the police dogs use your leg as a watering post? We know all about the theory behind the hang-dog face.....court the controversy and keep the pressure off the players! But really! Would a smile hurt that much? We asked 100 people that question and we're now looking for the Pointless answer! Can you guess what it is to win the coveted Pointless trophy?
Following Louis van Gaal's successes at the World Cup with his Dutch team, we ask do his favoured tactics work in the PL? The Boss at NN is a die-hard MU fan (poor bar-steward!) and so, on his behalf, I must question whether the 3-5-2 tactics that worked so well in Brazil for LVG, actually work with MU? Acknowledging that he has had notoriously bad luck with injuries thus far, especially at the back, so that for the odd match things may well have been forced onto him, I still question whether a 5-man midfield is working given that the 3 at the back seem completely at odds with each other and what is being asked of them. Marcus Rojo has yet to convince this canine that he was worth the millions paid for him. He seems unable to function with any of his compatriots at the back. This may be down to the fact that Jones, Evans and Smalling are being asked to defend in a way that appears to be as alien to them as E.T. is to the rest of us! And what's more, they don't seem to be getting more accustomed to the system as the season wears on. In fact at the back United look as inept now as they did on the first day of the season. The fact that they are in 4th place is more down to the competitiveness in the PL than their own good, consistent play. Going forward there is no doubt that they are fearsome, if not yet awesome, but the frailties at the back seem to be rubbing off on Rooney et al because with RVP, di Maria, Rooney and Falcao you must say they should be scoring a lot more than they are. So, is LVG the man to put United back on their pedestal?
At NN the jury is still out. Last season we were never convinced that David Moyes was the right choice. He just wasn't big enough for the job. There is no doubting LVG's pedigree; he is a proven manager with a successful track record, so like Fergie before him, I hope the board give him time and money enough to complete the job and hope against hope (cos we're fed up with the Boss's tears!) that he invests well. We're not convinced letting de Gea go would be the right decision. Without him United may well be in a relegation battle this year instead of fighting for a place in Europe next season. Investing in Bale, which appears to be the direction LVG is heading, at the expense of de Gea would be bad business, as good a player as Bale is. Rather than spending £100m on another front man, they'd do better to get hold of 2 top class centre backs to reinforce the line in front of de Gea.
Tennis: After Andy Murray's first round success over qualifier Yuki Bhambri we ask the question that no-one else in tennis has the 'balls' to ask. Does Andy Murray's massive Adam's apple inhibit his serve and his all round game?
We have conducted independent wind tunnel tests with this question in the forefront of our minds and can confirm right now that wind tunnels are indeed extremely windy places, and that once in profile position Murray's obstruction, that has been likened to El Capitan, the cliff face scaled so famously last week by Tommy Caldwell and Kevin Jorgeson, can block out the sun and indeed affect the weather, thus bringing us to the inevitable conclusion that Andy's apple is a hurdle to his further success and advancement in the game.
However, the fact remains that in spite of this enormous handicap Murray does still seem to be inordinately successful for a Brit tennis player which leaves us wondering if he was whacking the ball back on a level playing field (l.e. he was born anywhere else than Britain, AND had a less than monumental Adam's apple) would he win the lot and go on to be the greatest player in history?
Sorry Andy, but the truth hurts! Only one question left to ask, does the Adam's apple hurt too?
Cycling: With the Tour Down Under kicking off the UCI's pro cycling 2015 calender, we're looking at Team Sky's Richie Porte and asking has he got what it takes to triumph in his backyard tour. We asked our old mate Crocodile Rundown (a distant rellie of Crocodile Dundee but with much more cycling know-how and knowledge) what he thought of Porte's chances. Here's what he had to say!
"Aw, Porte's a boy alright! He's got two legs and can defo ride a bike so I reckon that puts him in with a shout provided he can stay off the XXXX thereby allowing the team mechanics to dispense with the stabilisers! Nothing worse than a pissed team leader. You end up riding twice as far as the rest!"
So there you have it, straight from the Horse's Mouth (that's a bar on the beachfront) where we found old CR 7 parts to the wind. Who's wind it was he didn't say and all we could say for sure was that it stunk like an outback dunny!
And that's all the Sports News for now. I'm off to peer in the magic mirror and ask some relevant questions of myself, like 'who is the fairest sports reporter of all?'
BFN
Negrito
No comments:
Post a Comment