Belated Weekend Sports Report with Negrito

Hi Folks!
Negrito here with all your Sports News.  And what a weekend it was!  Full of footy shocks, tennis tales and cycling woes, we've got a story for everyone!

We'll begin with Friday nights woeful performance by Manchester United in their 4th round FA Cup tie at Cambridge United's Abbey Road stadium.  The Boss, as you may know, is an MU fan and he was not a happy bunny, I can tell thee! United set their stall out from the first minute and a sparsely furnished affair it was, the ball being pushed impassionately along the midfield line, before it patiently came back the same way again a few minutes later, no forward ground having been made.  And so it continued, LVG going for the Squarest team award which he should win hands down with what seemed to be no more than handful of forward passes during the whole 90 minutes.  Appreciating that the big teams don't want to be embarrassed by getting their bums kicked by lower division sides, but United just looked paralysed with fear, giving Cambridge the impetus, much as West Ham did against Bristol City on Sunday afternoon.  The United players were static throughout, expecting maybe to pass their way through a well organised Cambridge side who pressed the big names hard from the outset.  Only late in the game when Ander Herrera replaced Fellaini was their any attempt at link-up play between the far-from united factions of defence, midfield and attack.  But even then, when Herrera made a run, either the player on the ball ignored the run, or, if the ball did come then it was invariably too late and too slow.  And who was running into space created by Herrera's run?  Nobody, that's who!  The whole team seemed to be wearing leaden boots.  No-one was prepared to make a run or bust-a-gut to win a 50/50 ball or to latch onto a quickly slipped through pass.  The movement from United was non-existent, their play too laboured, too slow and too predictable. Without wishing to take anything away from Cambridge, the MU players are plainly of better quality, but in terms of wanting the win the boot was firmly on the other foot!

And on to Saturday when the fairies obviously sprinkled some magic dust on the ties and we saw PL teams eating humble pie on numerous occasions.  It really was a whacky weekend when form counted for nothing and league positions were forgotten, then turned on their heads.  MOTD highlights don't really show enough of the match to be able make any in depth analysis, but even so I loved seeing Jose Mourinho's Chelsea get their gold-plated arses badly tarnished by League 1 Bradford City.  What a treat!  Bradford took their goals superbly and by all accounts took the game to Chelsea, in the end fully deserving their amazing win. Big congrats to them and Saturday's other giant killers Middlesbrough and Blackburn Rovers who all disposed of PL opposition.  Fantastic!

  

The weekends second live game on the BBC was the West Ham vs Bristol affair mentioned above, but it was once again the team from the lower division that took the game by the scruff of the neck.  The spell cast over the big names of Premier League football this weekend was finally broken when Sakho came off the bench to knock in yet another header this season to end brave Bristol City's cup run.  But the first half had hinted at yet another upset as once again the big names showed nothing and Steve Cotterill's bright looking Bristol set the early pace.  For us watching at home it seemed as if yet another PL side started the game with fear of losing at the forefront of their minds, rather than believing in themselves and playing their normal game. Luckily for Big Sam (Allerdyce) West Ham finally got their foots on the ball and managed to scrape past Bristol, much to their relief.

Weekends like this past one are what footy is all about for me.  The PL big names shot through with self-doubt as the underdogs came on, baring their fangs, drawing blood from their blue-blooded opponents as they subsequently staggered, stumbled and finally lost their footing completely.  I have no doubt that if MU or West Ham had been up against other PL opposition that they would have performed to their usual high standards, which inevitably leads to the question 'why do the big names struggle (year after year) to put the minnows to bed?'  And I can only think it is fear.  Fear of losing, but not just losing, it's losing to opposition so far beneath them that even the very thought of losing beforehand is just not an option, and yet year after year we see the tables turned.  You've gotta love it, but in truth it shouldn't happen....ever!

Watching the expensively assembled MU team hesitate, fumble and finally fail against a Cambridge side put together for less money than Wayne Rooney tips the waiters at The Ivy, I couldn't help thinking that they were so scared of humiliation and defeat that they became physically paralysed, unable to make even the shortest of passes effectively.  That fear seeped into their everyday play rendering each and every one of them impotent whenever they had the ball.  The lack of imagination and creative play was quite shocking.  This wasn't just a bad performance; it was truly horrible!  But it would be unfair to say that United, Chelsea, Man City and the PL's other FA Cup strugglers were poor solely because they were scared; I have no wish to take credit away from the so-called underdogs by undermining their achievements with excuses for the big knobs.  Without exception the lower division sides came out to play football and to try and win.  They were under no illusions but came out attacking nevertheless, hoping to win the game, and if not to win, then to put on a good show for their fans and followers.  It's just such a shame that the cream didn't float to the surface, preferring instead to languish and curdle the mix, leaving many fans wondering what happened.  I can tell them.......it was the 4th round of the best Cup competition there is!  Bring it on!

Moving onto tennis, Andy Murray and his aerodynamic Adam's apple (see blog entry 20 Jan 2015) have moved smoothly though all challengers to the Australian Open semis with the loss of just a single set.  With Federer (knocked out early on by Murray's defeated quarter final opponent, Nick Kyrgios) and Nadal out of the way (beaten by Murray's next opponent Tomas Berdych), and Djokovic and last years winner, Stan Warwrinka, in the top half of the draw, Murray must thinking he's in for a really good chance of taking this title.  At the end of 2014 Djokovic was peerless, but he hasn't started 2015 in anything like the same manner.  With both Stan's and Djokovic's quarters yet to begin, Murray must try to concentrate on his own game, but with yet more big names set to tumble out (Nishikori and Raonic are up against Warwrinka and Djokovic respectively) the urge to get carried away must be immense.  Murray is, however, an avid footy fan and he would no doubt be aware of the FA Cup giant killings this weekend and must be hoping that a similar fate doesn't await him.

And finally, Team Sky's Richie Porte secured 2nd place just 2 seconds behind BMC Racing's Rohan Dennis in the Tour Down Under, the UCI's first world tour event of the 2015 season.  In Argentina Cav also took his first win of the year in the Tour de San Luis, but for me at NN perhaps the biggest cycling news of the past few days is that Lance 'Lack of Charmstrong' reckons he's served his time and should be allowed to compete once again.  Mind you, he must be about 64 years old by now ("Hey, no problem man!  I got a drug for that!"), so I don't think Chris Froome will be losing any sleep at the possibility of Lack of Charmstrong's return.  Apparently Lack of Charmstrong trains on his own now!  Quelle surprise!  Wonder if he's figured out why that is.......we digress!

See you soon Sports Fans

Weeknd Sports Report with Negrito

Howdy Folks.
Time for a sports round-up; our first of the year and we're going straight for the jugular with questions such as, 'Is Jose Mourinho the worst tempered manager of all time?' and 'Is LVG the man to save United?' And finally, 'does Andy Murray's massive Adam's apple inhibit his serve?'

All this and much more with Negrito at NN....read on for all the facts and goss.

Football : Here at NN we like to cover the stories that others miss and in light of Chelsea's arse-kicking of Swansea 0-5 we are asking why is Mourinho such a grumpy old bugger?  In the post-match press interviews you'd think they'd lost 5-0 instead of having put in what was perhaps the best (first) 45 minutes of football we've seen so far in the PL this season.  He was as glum as a dog without a bone and I couldn't help wondering if he'd got a parking ticket just before the kick-off because I've seen happier looking Pugs than him!  C'mon Jose, what's the problem?  Didn't Roman give you a big enough January transfer budget this year?  Or did one of the police dogs use your leg as a watering post?  We know all about the theory behind the hang-dog face.....court the controversy and keep the pressure off the players!  But really!  Would a smile hurt that much?  We asked 100 people that question and we're now looking for the Pointless answer!  Can you guess what it is to win the coveted Pointless trophy?

Following Louis van Gaal's successes at the World Cup with his Dutch team, we ask do his favoured tactics work in the PL?  The Boss at NN is a die-hard MU fan (poor bar-steward!) and so, on his behalf, I must question whether the 3-5-2 tactics that worked so well in Brazil for LVG, actually work with MU? Acknowledging that he has had notoriously bad luck with injuries thus far, especially at the back, so that for the odd match things may well have been forced onto him, I still question whether a 5-man midfield is working given that the 3 at the back seem completely at odds with each other and what is being asked of them.  Marcus Rojo has yet to convince this canine that he was worth the millions paid for him.  He seems unable to function with any of his compatriots at the back.  This may be down to the fact that Jones, Evans and Smalling are being asked to defend in a way that appears to be as alien to them as E.T. is to the rest of us!  And what's more, they don't seem to be getting more accustomed to the system as the season wears on.  In fact at the back United look as inept now as they did on the first day of the season.  The fact that they are in 4th place is more down to the competitiveness in the PL than their own good, consistent play.  Going forward there is no doubt that they are fearsome, if not yet awesome, but the frailties at the back seem to be rubbing off on Rooney et al  because with RVP, di Maria, Rooney and Falcao you must say they should be scoring a lot more than they are.  So, is LVG the man to put United back on their pedestal?

At NN the jury is still out.  Last season we were never convinced that David Moyes was the right choice. He just wasn't big enough for the job.  There is no doubting LVG's pedigree; he is a proven manager with a successful track record, so like Fergie before him, I hope the board give him time and money enough to complete the job and hope against hope (cos we're fed up with the Boss's tears!) that he invests well.  We're not convinced letting de Gea go would be the right decision.  Without him United may well be in a relegation battle this year instead of fighting for a place in Europe next season.  Investing in Bale, which appears to be the direction LVG is heading, at the expense of de Gea would be bad business, as good a player as Bale is. Rather than spending £100m on another front man, they'd do better to get hold of 2 top class centre backs to reinforce the line in front of de Gea.

Tennis: After Andy Murray's first round success over qualifier Yuki Bhambri we ask the question that no-one else in tennis has the 'balls' to ask.  Does Andy Murray's massive Adam's apple inhibit his serve and his all round game?

We have conducted independent wind tunnel tests with this question in the forefront of our minds and can confirm right now that wind tunnels are indeed extremely windy places, and that once in profile position Murray's obstruction, that has been likened to El Capitan, the cliff face scaled so famously last week by Tommy Caldwell and Kevin Jorgeson, can block out the sun and indeed affect the weather, thus bringing us to the inevitable conclusion that Andy's apple is a hurdle to his further success and advancement in the game.  

However, the fact remains that in spite of this enormous handicap Murray does still seem to be inordinately successful for a Brit tennis player which leaves us wondering if he was whacking the ball back on a level playing field (l.e. he was born anywhere else than Britain, AND had a less than monumental Adam's apple) would he win the lot and go on to be the greatest player in history?

Sorry Andy, but the truth hurts!  Only one question left to ask, does the Adam's apple hurt too?

Cycling:  With the Tour Down Under kicking off the UCI's pro cycling 2015 calender, we're looking at Team Sky's Richie Porte and asking has he got what it takes to triumph in his backyard tour.  We asked our old mate Crocodile Rundown (a distant rellie of Crocodile Dundee but with much more cycling know-how and knowledge) what he thought of Porte's chances.  Here's what he had to say!

"Aw, Porte's a boy alright!  He's got two legs and can defo ride a bike so I reckon that puts him in with a shout provided he can stay off the XXXX thereby allowing the team mechanics to dispense with the stabilisers!  Nothing worse than a pissed team leader.  You end up riding twice as far as the rest!"

So there you have it, straight from the Horse's Mouth (that's a bar on the beachfront) where we found old CR 7 parts to the wind.  Who's wind it was he didn't say and all we could say for sure was that it stunk like an outback dunny!  

And that's all the Sports News for now.  I'm off to peer in the magic mirror and ask some relevant questions of myself, like 'who is the fairest sports reporter of all?'

BFN

Negrito